
Monday, April 20, 2009 @ 6:59 AM
uh i'm sorry to break the festive mood like that.
but i can't get over this.
i have to admit this.
but somehow without using labels.
i get so very jealous, so very, very jealous, of people in various categories.
I made ONE mistake, messed up ONE incident in my life, and-
BOOM.
it's as if nothing will EVER, ever change.
and then i go and do more stupid things.
typical idelle :/
[such as: throwing shoes at people, glaring at someone whom i wasn't supposed to be glaring at, talking incessantly to someone i shouldn't have been paying attention to-you get the point? And more besides.]
no wonder my life's a mess.
Not to mention math.
My father claims i'm talking myself to the basement.
i guess he's right, huh.
i put MYSELF down.
and then come and gripe and whine on this SPACE.
no wonder nothing's getting any jot better.
i'm not doing anything productive to help myself, and continuing to wallow in self-pity and regret and remorse and generally feeling very sorry for myself doesn't seem to be working much, either.
I'm sorry i glared at you.
You were too -blank- for me.
And probably too -blank- for your friend too.
No wonder things are the way they are.
And generally aren't the way I want them to be.
I have the most RETARDED flights of fancy.
When I see the bunch of you wearing those clothes- even after one year, one ENTIRE year, and a few spare months, i still feel the sting.
My gosh.
I don't know why.
It still hurts.
But i'm not sure where it hurts, ya know.
I have an idea that it's somewhere near my ego.
Idelle.
You SUCKERRR.